15 Tweets That Will Make You Laugh If Your Life Is A Trainwreck

Are you on twitter? I've only been hanging out there since the summer. For months, I felt like a stranger in a strange land. I still feel like the gangly tween at the party, but I don't care because twitter is where all the hilarious, raucous kids hang out and it makes me feel like maybe I could sit at their lunch table and, I don't know, trade friendship bracelets or something.

Basically, I swing by twitter when I need a laugh. Take these with a huge grain of salt.



15 Tweets That Will Make You Laugh If Your Life Is A Trainwreck:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14. 

15.

I'd also like to take a moment to point out how hilarious and fantastic my friend Maureen is (note # 5). I know her in real life, and it's the greatest.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Challenge You...to a Staring Contest!

Image
Remember when you were six, hanging off of the front of the grocery cart and your mom would hiss at you to " STOP STARING at that poor old man! It's rude! That'll happen to your teeth too, buster, if you can't learn to be polite so STOP.   IT. NOW. " I have become the old man in this scenario. What? Oh. Yes! I still have my teeth! Good heavens. What I mean is that, over the last several months, I've become the spectacle that draws kids' eyes in the grocery store. I am the oddity you tell your kids not to gawk at. Believe it or not, this was a hilarious revelation to me. Paul and I laugh about it all the time. Since I'm not super sensitive about being hairless , I find this harmless interaction almost flattering. I am bizarre enough that small children feel compelled to study me further! I have become interesting to kids! It's great because we've all been there - usually as either the flustered mum or the transfixed toddler, of course. But the...
Read more

Not to Bum You Out on a Friday, But...

Image
It's been a not good week. I've stalled on this post for a couple of days now. I didn't want to write it. I had to let the thoughts swirl around my head for a bit like glitter suspended in a snow globe before they settled into a more decipherable pattern. Also, I needed to be able to type without tears blurring my vision (oy vey). I can do that now, so no more dodging the subject. I got some bad news from my surgical oncologist on Tuesday. After quickly checking on my incision sites he sat with his head down and said, "We need to talk." (up there with "I want a divorce" and "we're out of cheese" as one of the most stressful 4-word sentences in the English language.) WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE NEED TO TALK?! What is there to talk about aside from how I'm winning at this whole mastectomy business and look I can almost raise my arms above my head and could you excuse me for a minute because I'm going to go throw up now, thanks. "I'v...
Read more

No Dress Rehearsal, This Is Our Life

Image
Some awesome things that have been happening: I can wear mascara, finally. (I have a full set of eyelashes!) It�s always been my favorite, and I went 6 months without, so no -- I will not downplay my excitement. In case you didn�t hear, my second mastectomy was a success . Probably should�ve opened with this one, but gawrsh I love mascara. I am far enough along in my healing to wear a specially-fitted breast prosthetic. Which I realize is one of those things you might wish to leave out on a blog that�s read by your parents and maybe your high school teachers. It�s sort of like talking about a shopping spree at Victoria�s Secret: a cool thing, but a keep-to-yourself thing. But it�s also sort of exactly NOT like that. I have cancer. (cancer card! It�s happening!) I do (and write) what I want. Anyway, it�s great fun because when I go out, I no longer need to decide between the very unbecoming one-boob look or futilely stuffing a wadded washcloth into my bra. It�s a massive relief to we...
Read more