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For Life's Not A Paragraph, And Death I Think Is No Parenthesis

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You know when you've put something off because it's unpleasant, and then it becomes harder and harder to bring yourself to do it, and then it snowballs into such an overwhelming task that you throw your hands up like "to heck with this!" and then you proceed to re-watch The Great British Baking Show  every night instead of writing? Just me? Oh. Well fine then. It's been four weeks since Paul died. And while I'm not ready to write about his death just yet, I can say that it was mostly peaceful, and we were with him the moment he drew his last breath. Saturday would have been our sixth wedding anniversary. Six good years, but not enough of them. People keep asking how I'm doing and my response is usually something along the lines of "I'm okay. That is, in this exact moment of time I'm okay. Ask me again in five minutes and I'll possibly be bawling into a bag of Doritos." I guess that's grief? This is all new terrain. I've never ...

The Truth About Being Fearless With Cancer

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Hate when people say "I'm not afraid of anything" cuz, like, have you seen things? They're terrifying. � MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) August 23, 2017 Several months ago, one of my old high school teachers emailed me to ask if I�d consider sharing my story with her moms' church group. (And by old I mean �former.� That woman hasn�t aged a minute. She�s lovely.) Her group had been focusing on the topic of �fearlessness in the face of adversity,� and she thought I might have, I don�t know, some insight on the subject. Which bwahahahaha omgggg nooooo. I am the opposite of fearless. I�m scared of at least 23 bajillion things. Also, I don�t do public-speaking. Not voluntarily. When I feel compelled to share something, I perch myself behind the comfortable security of a computer screen. I could hear the fraud police sounding their sirens. In a momentary lapse of judgement I wrote back, "Why yes, of course. I�d be happy to speak to your group." It took maybe four se...

"Because Light Strikes A Deal With Each Coming Night"

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I'm pretty careful about what I listen to these days because I'm a great jumble of unchecked emotions and just about anything can (and will ) set off waterworks. And when I say "anything" I mean that in the most literal sense. Like yesterday I cried watching a dad tow his kids behind his bike down the street. And then I laughed because that is 100% insane. Anyway, Pandora Radio sometimes thinks it's a fun time to casually throw a tune into my queue that will completely destroy me. This is my attempt at paying it forward. Enjoy the cathartic cry! Each Coming Night by Iron & Wine   Will you say when I'm gone away: "My lover came to me and we'd lay In rooms unfamiliar but until now" Will you say to them when I'm gone away: "I loved your son for his sturdy arms We both learned to cradle then live without" Will you say when I'm gone away: "Your father's body was judgement day We both dove and rose to the riverside"...

I'll Follow You Into The Dark

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"Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go.    Acceptance is a small, quiet room."   - Cheryl Strayed, Author of  Wild At this point, most of you have probably seen the latest update on Paul circulating through your Facebook news feeds. For everyone else, here's the scoop: In my last post, I mentioned that we were spending Easter with Paul's family in Wisconsin. But as our two-week visit approached its end, it became more and more evident that Paul wouldn't be making our return flight back to Buffalo. So the three of us are staying in Paul�s parents' home in Oshkosh, Wisconsin where he has entered Hospice care. We had always considered making Paul�s childhood home in Oshkosh his final resting place on this Earth. After witnessing his almost immediate "release" when the decision was final, I ca...

Why

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Why: -Kyle Kostic ... Context ... I didn't want to write a book about cancer. My life literally depended on it. I didn't want to attempt to try to cure cancer. My life literally depended on it. � Everything I say below is with the intention of providing context. I am supplying information that can be validated. I am not supplying this information with the intention of sounding self-absorbed. Everything I say below is with the intention of giving myself credibility. ... As a 4-year-old boy, my elementary school guidance counsellor wanted me to skip kindergarten and go directly into the 2 nd grade. I was given a few entry-level intelligence tests, and the results indicated that I was gifted. I earned my Bachelors Degree in Psychology at 33 years old. I earned just about a 4.0 in my major. ... While in college, I took the Wechsler Adult Intelligence (WAIS IV) IQ test. This test is the most widely used method of measuring intelligence in adults. I earned a very high score. W...